Wednesday, May 27

My Biggest Fear

I have always suffered from a fear of criticism. If someone says anything negative about something I have created, I tend to take it personally. I'm left feeling crushed. I don't have a thick skin. So when I recieved the email from Lulu saying that they have added my book (FC1) to, I was struck with the biggest wave of dread I have ever known. Amazon?! With reviews?! No. Not me. I've read the many negative reviews people leave on books that I like. These people can be ruthless. That's one reason why I have the reviews disabled on my books listed at Lulu. Ignorance is bliss.

Several years back, I was sitting at an outdoor table during my break at work, editing my book. A co-worker happened to be on his break, as well, and looked over my shoulder. I've known him to take an interest in writing, but this guy had a strong arrogance about him that rubbed me the wrong way since day one. I want to say that he had a superiority complex. In his mind, he could do no wrong. As he skimmed over the page I was editing, he remarked, "Good, but needs work." My stomach sank. Needs work?! The nerve of him! He has no idea how many times I've gone over this! The rest of the day, I wondered how good he was at writing. Eventually, he sent me a piece of fan fiction he was writing. Wow. And he thought my stuff needed work? Three paragraphs in, my mind had no idea what was going on. Too much description, so little personality, and no pacing at all. He asked what I thought about it. I replied, "It's a nice start." This incident has stuck with me all of these years. Looking back at it now, I can see where his remark came from. We have two different styles. I don't write the way he writes, or how he thinks it should be written. It's almost like watching a movie and wishing for different cinematography. This is why I always love to say, "It is easier to criticize than create."

Now that Lulu is selling my book on, I have re-added the book in Kindle form. I know what I said in a previous post of mine. But it's time to stop letting my fear control me. I hate being afraid. When I found out about the Amazon posting, I told my mom and stepdad about my fear, and my stepdad actually (playfully) said, "If you take it down, I will slap you! I have never seen someone who thinks so negatively about themselves." I try to be positive, but I have no confidence in myself to think like that.

In fear of any negative reviews, I have forbidden myself to look at my book on My inferiority complex demands it.

Ignorance is bliss.


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